Sunday, September 9, 2007

Crashed again

Well, just like I thought it's over again. AF showed full force today. Stupidly I once again allowed myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, the spotting for two days wouldn't progress and I'd magically end this 2ww with a positive. Why, why, why do I always let myself hope like that?
So, now J and I are not sure what to do. Don't know if we have the money to do another cycle this month or if we should take a month long break to save the cash. It sucks that my ability to have a child is based on my financial situation. Plus I can't stand the thought of waiting another 30 days to start trying again. Something in my mind just keeps reminding me of how much older I am now than when we started this journey. Another month will just be another month older.
I hate the way J looks when I tell him that I got my period, again. I hate the way he looks when I ask him over and over whether we should take a break, and then in the next breath tell him that if I take a break I will most likely lose my mind (what with having to deal with all the pregnant people I know right now). I know that he's hurting because of all of this too.
I've got to decide by tomorrow so I can schedule the baseline ultrasound and start the gonal-f by day 3.

No comments: