It's definitely a record for today - the number of times someone at work made reference to pregnancy. I know that I have an office-mate who is currently 20+ weeks pregnant, but (and maybe I'm being selfish here but I no longer care about that) it is my office too. Why do I have to be subjected to all the happy, giddy, pregnant talk? Maybe I don't want to hear about it. For God's sake they all know what I've been through with the loss. Can't they at least have the conversations when I am out of the office. Bad enough I have to go there everyday and watch as the belly grows. The constant reminder of what I have lost.
So the topics for today were:
Have you felt the baby moving yet?
I gained too much weight for this doctor's appointment so now they are watching me closely for next month.
I have to go and buy maternity bras.
I feel like a complete ass, not to mention extreme guilt, because I can't share in the happy conversations. I mean she's entitled to feel excited. I don't begrudge her her happiness. I like her and consider her a friend. And other people are entitled to have conversations with her on whatever subjects they like. But when you're having conversations while I am sitting right there please try to remember that my baby died, I never got to feel it moving, and that I didn't get a chance to buy maternity clothes. And also remember that I may never get that opportunity - because of J and I's infertility diagnosis. So, have a little empathy and try to imagine how those conversations make me feel.
I would never have a conversation about how terrible cancer is and how many people I have known who have died from it while sitting next to someone who was recently diagnosed. I guess I just don't understand why people have such a hard time putting themselves in someone else's shoes.
If I am ever able to get pregnant again, and if I am ever lucky enough to carry that baby to term, my pregnancy will not be a topic for discussion, except in my own home. I would hate the thought of unknowingly putting someone else through the pain I feel. My advice for the day: Always think about who is in your audience before you speak.