Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Topic for the Day

It's definitely a record for today - the number of times someone at work made reference to pregnancy. I know that I have an office-mate who is currently 20+ weeks pregnant, but (and maybe I'm being selfish here but I no longer care about that) it is my office too. Why do I have to be subjected to all the happy, giddy, pregnant talk? Maybe I don't want to hear about it. For God's sake they all know what I've been through with the loss. Can't they at least have the conversations when I am out of the office. Bad enough I have to go there everyday and watch as the belly grows. The constant reminder of what I have lost.

So the topics for today were:
Have you felt the baby moving yet?
I gained too much weight for this doctor's appointment so now they are watching me closely for next month.
I have to go and buy maternity bras.

I feel like a complete ass, not to mention extreme guilt, because I can't share in the happy conversations. I mean she's entitled to feel excited. I don't begrudge her her happiness. I like her and consider her a friend. And other people are entitled to have conversations with her on whatever subjects they like. But when you're having conversations while I am sitting right there please try to remember that my baby died, I never got to feel it moving, and that I didn't get a chance to buy maternity clothes. And also remember that I may never get that opportunity - because of J and I's infertility diagnosis. So, have a little empathy and try to imagine how those conversations make me feel.
I would never have a conversation about how terrible cancer is and how many people I have known who have died from it while sitting next to someone who was recently diagnosed. I guess I just don't understand why people have such a hard time putting themselves in someone else's shoes.

If I am ever able to get pregnant again, and if I am ever lucky enough to carry that baby to term, my pregnancy will not be a topic for discussion, except in my own home. I would hate the thought of unknowingly putting someone else through the pain I feel. My advice for the day: Always think about who is in your audience before you speak.


Kristen said...

I'm so sorry you have to be subjected to that. If they know about your loss, they should be much more sensitive about the pg talk.

People just don't get it. They think we just get over it so easily but if they only knew...

I do believe that IF makes us much more aware of others' feelings. We can sense other people's pain and I think that I will definitely be more cautious in how I reveal info in the future.

Anonymous said...

regenerator car 1992 ebay ford pickup bmw e30 16x8 canon zr 100 mini dv baby car safe seat travel

Anonymous said...