Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A Friend's Sad Story

Some of you may remember me talking about my two pregnant co-workers in the past. There was pregnant co-worker and annoying pregnant co-worker (who had a habit of belly rubbing in front of me and making announcements at staff meetings when I was unable to run for the door). I haven't spoken about them in a while as I've had other things on my mind (read: my own p-word)
Since I last shared stories about them they have both since had their babies and I was fortunate to escape baby showers without much trouble. Even being the p-word I don't think I could have gone without completely freaking myself out. Pregnant co-worker returned to work after maternity leave and I have to say she is the kindest person I have ever met. When she found out about my p-word she was genuinely happy and excited for me, even though I could barely muster up two questions to her for her whole pregnancy. She has since been my sounding board when I need someone to help keep me sane and also to answer questions about new baby things. She's a better person than I - I don't know if I could have been so nice given my not so enthusiastic Congrats when she told me she was pregnant.
Annoying pregnant co-worker had her baby too - also a healthy baby boy. She was due to come back from maternity leave next week. Was...

Yesterday we found out that her 6-week old baby became terribly ill over the weekend and passed away from meningitis.
I can not imagine what her and her husband are going through. I wish that I could just take all that pain away somehow...but I know that's impossible. All I can do is pray that they find strength to get through this awful, awful tragedy. I'm sorry M for your great loss. You and your family, and your sweet little boy, are in my thoughts and prayers.

I sit here and look at the ultrasound pictures of my babies and try very hard to think only good thoughts. I can't help but wonder why good people so often have to face such horrible tragedies.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice or Snakes, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails?

Thanks for those positive thoughts and prayers - they were heard. The OB appointment today went well. Again the ultrasound tech had a run for her money. These two little buggers would NOT sit still. They were kicking, punching, rolling over, and putting their arms over their heads. They were even kicking each other and fighting to get into the u/s picture. Baby A is going to be more of the troublemaker - very uncooperative. Baby B at least settled down a little to get measured.
Growth is still good and both are still just about the same size, which is really good. Heart rates were perfect - 150 and 160.
I've gained about a total of 17 pounds so far, which apparently for twins is good to gain so much in the beginning because their growth slows down after about 5 months.

She was able to get photos of their "parts", after a little (read: lots) coaxing with A. She put them in a sealed envelope and when I left the OB office I drove straight to J's work. We have been torn about finding out the gender. We always thought we didn't want to know. All we really care about is having live, healthy babies. Then we thought with two it might be easier if we knew. Then we decided we didn't want to know. Then we figured she could just seal them up in an envelope and we could open it whenever we chose to. You can see how this went for us the past few weeks. With envelope in hand I asked J what he thought. First he said we should wait. Then almost immediately he said to open it. So we did...

And we found two pictures - both showing us boy parts!

Next appointment not for another month. I won' have an ultrasound then but hopefully I'll be really feeling those kicks and punches by then.
Another hurdle down and I just hope and pray things keep going well. I can't wait to meet my two little guys.

Monday, April 7, 2008

The Honeymoon Stage

Apparently the person who coined this phrase does not have a dictionary with the words infertility or miscarriage in it.

Supposedly this is supposed to be the best part of my p-word. But, for example, I still have a hard time even mentioning the word. Yes, my morning sickness is gone and my energy is returning a bit. But I still obsessively run to the bathroom checking my underwear every time I feel something down there, I worry incessantly about not having felt the babies yet (even though I'm only 18 weeks this week), and I have awful nightmares about my babies each time I begin approaching another OB appointment.
For someone who has fought the IF battle there is no "honeymoon" phase. There seems only to be fear, worry and anxiety. And if I could fast-forward to September and just have these babies born, I would do so in an instant.

My 18-week appointment is tomorrow. I'm nervous. J can't come with me - someone at his work quit last week and now he has to cover their shift. I'm going to be all alone and I'm scared. Any prayers for a good appointment with both babies doing well would definitely be appreciated. That's what I'll be doing all day today - just praying for good things tomorrow.

Sorry I've been a terrible blogger lately. I promise I will start getting better again.