Thursday, March 13, 2008

14 week appointment

Had my appointment with OB yesterday and got to have an ultrasound beforehand. I'll be having an ultrasound every 4-6 weeks because of the twins. I was so nervous, to say the least. J too. I think we were both on the verge of nervous breakdown. The tech must have thought I was crazy because I was just about hyperventilating.
The tech and J had a different screen to look at than I did because they were standing facing the opposite way than the way I was laying on the table. When she put the wand on and the image appeared I just about lost it. It didn't look like it was moving at all and it was so far away I couldn't make out a heartbeat. She must have known I was about to freak out because she said that they were both moving around like acrobats and then she proceeded to point out both little hearts beating away. Of course, that brought my tears right away.
We got to see arms and legs, and feet, and hands, and bladders, and what I think will be their genius brains. And did they ever move; they would NOT sit still for one minute. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be feeling those kicks and they will be very welcome, each and every one of them.
She measured their heart rates and they were 153 and 164. And they were both similar in size which I guess is good with twins, so one is not growing faster than the other.
She asked us if we wanted to know the gender but we said not yet. We're still undecided about that.
After that I met with Dr. OB and all she did was tell me my cervix length was fine (at 43mm) and all bloodwork came back normal. She brought out the doppler too but the twins must have been facing my back at that point because she could barely pick up a muffled sound. I tell ya if she had done that first, before the scan, I would have definitely been sick. I hate those dopplers.
My next appointment won't be for another month. I had hoped for sooner as we had talked about more frequent appointments but she said growth was good and no need to come back for another 4 weeks. At least I'll have another scan then. And I think at that point it will be our Level II.

We got over one more hurdle, we got three great pics and we finally told the rest of our family.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The End of the First Tri

13 weeks today. Hooray! It has been a looong three months - with all of the anxiety and worry. I thought it would start to go away, and maybe in the next few weeks it will. But I'm still really nervous. Maybe that will never go away though. I do know that I will feel slightly better after my u/s next week - seeing the babies moving around will be a relief. I'm just praying that it all goes well.
My sickness is starting to diminish a bit. I'm noticing that it's not so constant anymore, just a few times throughout the day now. But I am still absolutely exhausted - just a regular work day still wears me out.
Went m-clothes shopping. Could not hold off anymore. Every pair of pants I had was cutting into my stomach and leaving big read marks on it. I am actually showing. Don't know if I will make it to next week to start telling people - it's becoming clearly obvious.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Embryo Culture

Sorry once again for my late post. I just can't seem to get it together enough to post anything - still just very very tired all the time.
I thought this was a great book. An easy read that only took me a few days time to read the entire book. I related a lot to what the author explained about questioning faith, and questioning treatments.

The author describes her journey through infertility both in terms of a faith journey and a process of scientific discovery. How has infertility impacted your faith journey and your views of science/technology?
Infertility really did not affect my views of science and technology much. I've always been fascinated by science and its abilities. My faith journey however was much more impacted by my struggle with infertility. Growing up Catholic I started out believing that IF must have been some sort of punishment for something I'd done wrong, then it became hard to realize that no matter how much I prayed it wasn't going to change anything. I became angry with God or anything that had to do with religion at all. It also angered me to think that the church would not recognize any children I had conceived through ART - but this was less of an issue for me because I have always viewed the church and God as separate, if that's at all possible. Then the loss of our first pregnancy really changed my views. I just could not believe that my God would want my baby to have died, that it was some grand plan. Working through my grief after the loss, I came to believe that I could no longer pray for what I wanted or needed, that just wasn't how my God works. He doesn't make bad things happen, nor does he make good things happen. Things just happen. I couldn't pray for a pregnancy, otherwise everyone who hoped for that would be pregnant. I can't pray for a healthy baby - otherwise all babies would be born healthy. I can't pray for tangible things. All I can pray for are things like strength to get through the grief after the loss, courage to face every day of this pregnancy, and hope for a better tomorrow. What really changed my religious views the most? - The book When bad things happen to good people.

The author also talks about how many embryos should be transferred at any given cycle. Should there be a limit?
I think there should be a limit based on things such as age, previous ART failures, and embryo quality. I think it is a responsibility of the physician to place the limit, not on some group of people who may never have met the patient though. I think we need to remember that reproductive endocrinology is a business as much as it is a medical specialty and there are people who are in it to make money. Without limits physicians could transfer any number of embryos to help pad their clinic's figures with the CDC, not keeping patient care as their top priority. It would be irresponsible of a physician to transfer a high number of embryos to a young patient with no previous failed cycles. I think RE's who would do this are simply looking to increase their success rates and make more money.

The author mentions that going through infertility and IVF made her think differently with abortion? Has this changed anyone's position on abortion or did IVF change the way you thought about it?
It has not changed my views on abortion at all. I still believe in a women's right to choose and I also choose to believe that the majority of people who have an abortion have struggled in some way with their decision. I don't think most people have an abortion without some serious decision making. I will never understand another person's circumstance unless I am that person so I feel I have no place to judge them for making a certain decision.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Mistress's Daughter by A.M. Homes (with author participation!)