Thursday, May 22, 2008


24 weeks. Another milestone achieved. One more down on this (what seems like) awfully long p-word journey. 50% of babies born now would survive. Not great odds I know but also some little piece of mind that doctors would work to save my babies should something go terribly wrong now.
We ordered and got the border for "the room" in the mail yesterday. We decided on this bedding. This weekend we'll probably go looking for paint samples but are thinking about either a green or yellow. The bathroom these babies will use is already painted blue so we don't want the room blue also.
So much to do, and we've waited a long time to do it because of my fear of jinxing things. But the realization that because we've got twins that these bugs could be here in a short 12 weeks or so really struck me the other day. We have got to get going on things.

Next OB appointment in 2 weeks with another ultrasound.
Next mile marker -- 28 weeks.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Just Updates

This past week my emotions have run the gamut from happy, to sad, to extremely worried and scared.
First I had a scary day the beginning of last week. I was at work, and needed to use the ladies room, for the millionth time that day. Lately I've been feeling like one of these bugs is sitting right on my bladder. I constantly feel the urge to use the bathroom, but most times, it's not very productive. I went to the bathroom, left, and proceeded to head upstairs to the water cooler. On my way back down the stairs, I felt some fluid leaking out of me. I ran back in the bathroom as quick as I could, fearing seeing red. No red, but definitely something clearish.
By this point I'm practically shaking so I go back to my desk, sit down and put my feet up. My head is spinning about what to do so I consult with Dr. Google about pPROM and premature labor symptoms. Everything I can find says that if there is amniotic fluid leaking it would not stop leaking. So, I decide to sit with my feet up for a while, and when I get up again if there is another leak go to the ER immediately. Sat there for 45 minutes, got up and nothing. I also in this time of consulting with Dr. Google found out that if the fetus kicks your bladder you could leak urine. Decided to keep a close eye on the amount of discharge I had over that evening and the next few days (until my next OB appointment) to see if anything else happened. Thank goodness, nothing since then. Apparently, I wet my pants without realizing it. I had no idea this could happen. Another surprising pregnancy "symptom".
Had another OB appointment this week too. I am now 22w4d. Luckily the OB appointment was very uneventful. She just weighed me, took my blood pressure, listened to the two beating hearts, and measured my stomach. I have gained a total of 24 pounds so far - exactly where I wanted to be based on some twin pregnancy books I've been reading. Everything else is good thus far. Next appointment is still going to be another month away (I was hoping to start every other week now because I still get the nightmares and horrible thoughts with the longer time between appointments). But one more monthly visit and then we'll start every other week. Next appointment will be another ultrasound too. Can;t wait to see how much they've grown in there since last time.
I'll have to do my gestational diabetes test before next appointment too. I have my flat orange drink in the fridge ready to go whenever I decide to go to the lab.

Babies have been kicking up a storm in there too, which is pretty amazing! I am so glad to finally be able to really feel them. Not just bubbles popping anymore, but real distinguishable kicks and punches. Love it! J felt it too the other day. He seemed awe-struck and I think this p-word is finally starting to feel more real for him.
A mixed bunch of emotions for yesterday. I am happy that someone actually wished me a Happy Mother's day (although it felt both good and odd to me at the same time). It also made me sad to think about my own mom who is not with us anymore, and how much she would have loved these two bugs. And it made me reflect on where I've been in past years' on this day, made me think of the baby we lost, and of all of the people who still are not even where I'm at yet.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Registries, and Showers, and Names...Oh My!

I've been so afraid of even thinking about this p-word thing for so long that now I feel almost claustrophobic about how much there is to do in the next few months. It's just all so scary to imagine that I'm more than half-way there and "normal" people (those not affected by IF or pregnancy loss) think that it's getting close enough for us to start buying furniture and baby things.
After much debate within my head (and with J) I finally decided that it would be OK to allow my sisters to have the shower they offered to have for me. Just thinking about it still makes me hyperventilate a bit though. But, I am trying hard to feel and start to act like a p-word person. Problem is the old IF feelings always have a way of coming through. My co-workers act surprised that I don't share news about what I'm feeling on a daily basis, and seem shocked that I still worry about and fear upcoming OB appointments. If they only knew what it is really like to be in these shoes.

J and I will probably start painting "the room" by the end of this month - once we can open windows. I figure, if anything, we at least have to have the room painted and have something for these two little bugs to sleep in when they arrive.

I worked so hard for so long to avoid anything p-word related that I have to admit I was surprised this morning that I am already starting to outgrow my m-clothes. I NEVER would have thought you could outgrow these things! And still about four months to go. I may have to have my OB take me out of work simply for the fact that I won't have anything acceptable to fit me to wear to the office.