Waiting

Waiting. That's what I'm doing. Still waiting for good ol' AF to show. It was supposed to be here on Monday. I even started spotting then and was sure that by Tuesday she would have arrived. But she didn't. She didn't come on Tuesday, or Wednesday, or even yet today. Still spotting though. Why is it that when I want the bitch to come she doesn't but when I pray with all my might that she stays away, she'll show, early even? Last night I considered taking the one hpt I have in the house just to get my period started. Today I am considering it even more so.You see, I am a firm believer that doing an hpt causes my period to start - always has. Sometimes even before I get to pee on the thing, but as soon as I give the cashier my $10.00 Funny right? Stop laughing.
So now I am 3 days late, but have no idea when I ovulated since I wasn't keeping track this month. I think I might be 14dpo today. I have no idea how long my luteal phase is anymore. Before the pregnancy it was only about 11 days, after the miscarriage it went up to 15 or 16 days. Then I've been on clomid so that screwed with it too. So, I guess I don't know when to expect AF. So, I'll just keep waiting.
I know some of you may be thinking - maybe she's pregnant now. Maybe she should do the hpt. But let me assure you that is not possible. Not this month. J and I (I am kind of embarrassed to admit) did not have sex at all this month. Between jobs, being tired, being stressed, being whatever, it just didn't happen. That happens more frequently now that we've been ttc for so long. Does that happen to anyone else? It seems the longer we pursue fertility treatments the less sex we have. Scary. Every month we say to each other that we have got to start making more time for that. Maybe when we finally resolve our family building issues it will improve. I hope.

So, I'll just keep waiting for CD1 so I can get started again. I have never wanted to give myself shots more than I do right now!