Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Gonal Madness

Two Gonal shots and I have morphed into a raving lunatic. It seems like I can’t even control my emotions at all. I am so angry, I am frustrated, I want to scream and cry. I don’t remember it doing this to me last time I used it. Which makes me wonder – is it really the hormones I’m injecting into my body that is causing me to act this way? Or, is it the fact that this has just gone on for so long, this cycling business, that it is getting harder and harder to deal with each time? Maybe a little bit of both.
Dr. RE has me on the same dose I was on last time we did an injectible/IUI cycle – which was 3 years ago. So, maybe she’s not so concerned that my eggs are three years older than before. I’m hoping for 3-4 good size mature follies this month. Next scan is Thursday (CD7).

I was so happy when they told me that my next appointment would be Thursday. You see, I was supposed to have a work staff meeting that day. I have 2 pregnant co-workers in my office. One much more annoying than the other – with the constant belly rubbing and talking of baby names, how they conceived, etc. So, I am glad that I will get to miss out on that for this month’s meeting at least.

Yesterday (pregnancy and infant loss awareness day) I thought of my lost baby – more so than every other day that I think of him. I was working at night at 7pm but I lit a candle in my heart for him. And, that one burns eternal. J and I miss our baby so much. I’m sorry for anyone who has gone through the loss of a baby – at any stage of development. I believe that it’s the most awful pain a person has to bear.

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