A slight digression

It's IUI day today. The fourth one since we started ttc again after our loss. But more about that story later.
Doing these again is so hard. It's hard to believe that these work for anyone. I know people who have had success but sometimes I think it can't be real. Plus they never worked for us before. The tweek in the protocol though hopefully will make the difference.
So, IUI was today. It's hard to not get hopeful again. Every month it's the same story. Riding the wave of hope and disappointment. Today, I am hopeful. Everything looked good and not having to do the hcg shot, having O'd on my own, maybe will be a good thing. Now the crazy obsession begins. I said to J that I was going to try to just forget about it for the next 2 weeks but who am I trying to kid? How can I possibly forget? God, the torture of the 2ww! I can't say how much I hate this! Every twinge, cramp, bloated feeling, everything leads back to am I or am I not pregnant this time??? It is enough to make anyone lose their mind.
I will try to keep the hope alive for the whole two weeks, even though I know that it's impossible. The negative thoughts always creep in sometime.