I’m now in week #2 of this Get Healthy Challenge and I must say I’m doing really good. I have to take some time to pat myself on the back for a minute or two.
OK, I’m done. Seriously though, usually I am the kind of person who forever beats themselves up for things that happen, things that don’t go my way, things I may not even have any control over. I guess my controlling personality gets the best of me and I somehow feel responsible for everything that happens to me – whether or not I’ve had any control over it. When my fertility treatments don’t work, I tell myself I should have been more positive, when I lost my baby I told myself that if I had just been more proactive in my care maybe it would not have happened, when things don’t go my way, I feel like I have just not tried hard enough or put enough effort into making things happen. This kind of thinking is terrible for someone facing infertility. I always feel inferior, not good enough, not deserving enough – to or for what I don’t exactly know. I somehow have to learn that not everything is under my control, not everything that happens is my fault or could have been prevented, or changed based on my actions. It’s a very difficult thing to do.
So when I chose my three things for the healthy challenge I chose things that would set me up for success instead of failure. Easy things – you may think so, but for me they are a challenge but still do-able. The second week ends on Sunday – here’s the low-down so far: Week #1 – ate my two servings of fish and took fish-oil supplements every day, flossed every day (Can’t believe this myself!), and exercised the three days. Week #2 – only have one more serving of fish to get in (plus took fish-oil nearly every day), have flossed daily this week so far, and exercised once so far.
The challenge has also helped my mental outlook too. Maybe it’s the fish I’m eating, or the fish oil supplements, or maybe it’s just doing something that I can feel good about, to feel like I’m re-gaining some control in my life, even if it’s just a tiny piece of my life. Thank you dmarie for starting the challenge. I’m so glad that I got involved. Almost half-way though now and I think I will continue on after the 30-days is up.
On the IF front:
I don’t know what cycle day it is, and I am trying not to care. If I keep track of my cycle days then there is always that little voice in my head telling me that J and I should have sex on a certain day, that there is always a chance (no matter how remotely impossible that would be). I can’t take that pressure anymore so I decided I will do my best not to keep track of what cycle day I am on, if I am not in the middle of cycling. Hard when I know my body signs for ovulating but doing my best.
We’ve decided to make that additional change in our IUI protocol next month so we’ll see how this goes. We’ve got a few more IUI's left to do before the insurance runs out and we’re at the end of the line for us.