Embryo Culture

Sorry once again for my late post. I just can't seem to get it together enough to post anything - still just very very tired all the time.
I thought this was a great book. An easy read that only took me a few days time to read the entire book. I related a lot to what the author explained about questioning faith, and questioning treatments.

The author describes her journey through infertility both in terms of a faith journey and a process of scientific discovery. How has infertility impacted your faith journey and your views of science/technology?
Infertility really did not affect my views of science and technology much. I've always been fascinated by science and its abilities. My faith journey however was much more impacted by my struggle with infertility. Growing up Catholic I started out believing that IF must have been some sort of punishment for something I'd done wrong, then it became hard to realize that no matter how much I prayed it wasn't going to change anything. I became angry with God or anything that had to do with religion at all. It also angered me to think that the church would not recognize any children I had conceived through ART - but this was less of an issue for me because I have always viewed the church and God as separate, if that's at all possible. Then the loss of our first pregnancy really changed my views. I just could not believe that my God would want my baby to have died, that it was some grand plan. Working through my grief after the loss, I came to believe that I could no longer pray for what I wanted or needed, that just wasn't how my God works. He doesn't make bad things happen, nor does he make good things happen. Things just happen. I couldn't pray for a pregnancy, otherwise everyone who hoped for that would be pregnant. I can't pray for a healthy baby - otherwise all babies would be born healthy. I can't pray for tangible things. All I can pray for are things like strength to get through the grief after the loss, courage to face every day of this pregnancy, and hope for a better tomorrow. What really changed my religious views the most? - The book When bad things happen to good people.

The author also talks about how many embryos should be transferred at any given cycle. Should there be a limit?
I think there should be a limit based on things such as age, previous ART failures, and embryo quality. I think it is a responsibility of the physician to place the limit, not on some group of people who may never have met the patient though. I think we need to remember that reproductive endocrinology is a business as much as it is a medical specialty and there are people who are in it to make money. Without limits physicians could transfer any number of embryos to help pad their clinic's figures with the CDC, not keeping patient care as their top priority. It would be irresponsible of a physician to transfer a high number of embryos to a young patient with no previous failed cycles. I think RE's who would do this are simply looking to increase their success rates and make more money.

The author mentions that going through infertility and IVF made her think differently with abortion? Has this changed anyone's position on abortion or did IVF change the way you thought about it?
It has not changed my views on abortion at all. I still believe in a women's right to choose and I also choose to believe that the majority of people who have an abortion have struggled in some way with their decision. I don't think most people have an abortion without some serious decision making. I will never understand another person's circumstance unless I am that person so I feel I have no place to judge them for making a certain decision.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Mistress's Daughter by A.M. Homes (with author participation!)

Jane Austin Book Club Tour

On page 5 of my edition, at the end of the Prologue, the narrator says: "The six of us -- Jocelyn, Bernadette, Sylvia, Allegra, Prudie, and Grigg -- made up the full roster of the Central Valley/River City all-Jane-Austen-all-the-time book club." Each of the six is featured in the book, and voices intimate thoughts & memories, yet throughout, the narrator maintains the voice of "we." Which of the characters is the narrator telling the story/writing the book? And if you don't know or have an opinion, which character would be the most likely narrator & why?

I'm not sure who the narrator of the book is but if I had to offer a guess my choice would be Jocelyn. She struck me as being the one who would most likely lead a group. When the author explained the story of her and Sylvia's youth she seemed to be the one who was the stronger personality of the two and this was depicted several times throughout the book.

Corinne stole Allegra's stories and passed them off as her own. Yet despite this deep betrayal of trust Allegra went back to her. Why do you think that is? Has anyone ever betrayed your trust and how did you handle it?

I think she went back to her because of love. Having your trust betrayed is something that can be terribly hurtful, and yes I can think of a few people who have done so to me. Whether it be a simple teenage love issue, which didn't seem so simple at the time to someone telling others a secret I asked that they keep, there are a lot of times when other people have betray trust. I think handling it depends on the situation itself, your ability to forgive someone for wrongdoings, and whether you can understand why the betrayal occurred. Was it spiteful, or was it simply someone who wasn't thinking of the consequences of their actions? Most of the people who have done something to betray trust with me, I have been able to forgive. At times it takes longer, and I'm not sure that the same level of trust ever exists again, but I do try to remember the humanness of us all.

When Corinne stole Allegra's stories, she both lied by omission as well as stole pieces of Allegra. Do you believe Allegra was more upset about the lie or the fact that someone stole her stories?

I think Allegra was more upset by the fact that her stories were stolen than by the lie itself. Lies happen, sometimes to protect , people's feelings, sometimes just small little white lies that I'm sure everyone is guilty of, but for someone to try to pass off stories from your life as their own seems to me the bigger betrayal.

Intrigued by the idea of a book tour and want to read more about The Jane Austen Book Club? Hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Brigade by visiting the master list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. Want to come along for the next tour? Sign up begins today for tour #10 (Embryo Culture by Beth Kohl with author participation!) and all are welcome to join along . All you need is a book and blog.

The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale was quite an interesting book to read. At times it was a difficult read for me, as it jumped around a lot and I found it hard to keep my concentration on the story. In the end I enjoyed the story overall and found it pretty fascinating how a society could change so drastically without the people revolting against it. Scary.

Even though the rampant infertility is acknowledged to be largely due to environmental pollution, Gilead refuses to acknowledge the possibility of male infertility; if a Handmaid is unable to conceive with three Commanders, it is assumed that she is at fault and she is reassigned to the Colonies. How did this double standard resonate with you, if at all?
This really bothered me both in the book and the fact that in our society the majority of people assume that if a couple is having trouble conceiving that it is a problem with the female. It's always, "oh she can't get pregnant". My RE's office is in the Women's Health wing of a medical university, perpetuating this belief. What bothers me the most about infertility being seen as primarily a women's health issue is that it is because of this fact that I believe it is largely ignored by society, and insurance companies. If, in our mostly male dominated society, infertility was seen as also being a men's health issue it would probably receive more research dollars, and I personally think it would be more widely covered by insurance companies.

In one scene (it's after midnight and we all have different editions, but you know the one I mean without a page number, right?) Offred observes a funeral procession for a miscarried pregnancy. Comment on the inclusion of this type of ritual in the daily life of the community.
I think that this ritual was included in the community because of the importance they placed on pregnancies, and also to use as another way to remind the Handmaid's what happens to them if they aren't able to conceive a child for the Commanders and the Wives. Having been through miscarriage, I wished when reading the book, that our society placed a bit more importance on pregnancies, just not in the exact same way as the book. Pregnancies in our society are viewed as replaceable, expendable, etc. How many people say that you can just try again after you lose a baby? Like our pregnancies and children can be replaced by new ones. Maybe if our society viewed them with more significance then women suffering miscarriage would find more emotional support.

For all that the Handmaids are supposed to be serving the society's greater good and should be honored for that, they are looked down upon by just about everyone. Wives resent that the Handmaids do what they cannot, Marthas resent the time spent caring for them, Econowives resent them for the ease of existence they feel the Handmaids must enjoy. And the reverse is true as well, Handmaids resent the other women for having little freedoms they do not enjoy, whether it's control over a household, the ability to hold a knife and make radish roses, or to simply not be a possession without a name. Does this mutual resentment exist in the world of infertility? Do "fertiles" resent "infertiles" and vice versa? If so, in what way?
At first when I read this question I thought No Way! Why in the world would a fertile person resent me. What part of my life are they envious of? The frequent doctor visits, the invasive procedures, the emotional pain of losing my baby? But then I really started to think more about it and I do think that mutual resentment exists. I definitely resent fertile people, some much more than others, for the ease at which they achieved their dreams, for their naive joyful views of pregnancy, for the granted they sometimes take their families for. I think there are also some people who are fertile who resent me for not being able to have had children yet. Some people have commented on how they would love a day to just relax with their husbands, or a date night out with them, or being able to read a book. And, I think that some of these people are actually quite sincere in that they do wish that we could trade places even if only for a day.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Fowler (with author participation!)

Happiness Sold Separately - Book Tour #7

On Pages 51-52 Elinor discusses her abortion experience. She says choices are a fairytale and that she had always been pro-choice but now realized that she had no choice. Has your stance on abortion changed at all since you began suffering form infertility?
I have always been pro-choice, believing that a woman's right to choose trumped anything else. Even though I have suffered with infertility, and pregnancy loss, I still hold the same viewpoint. I think that there are too many circumstances, and each individual needs to make that decision for themselves. I would definitely feel more saddened by the news of someone having to make that decision now though. I did believe that my baby was a baby right from the start. Someone having an abortion may believe this also, making their decision all the more difficult. I now am much more aware of the struggle that someone having to make that decision would go through.

In the beginning of Chapter 4, Elinor finds it difficult to look at a newborn and its mother in the seat next to her. She says she isn't so much sad that she can't have a baby of her own but that she can't give her husband a child. Do you find your infertility more painful because of your desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth or because of your desire to see your spouse as a father?
I think that I personally find my infertility more painful because I may never get to experience pregnancy and childbirth. One of my biggest fears is that the 13 short weeks I was pregnant before may be the only time I will ever be pregnant. I know that I will be a mother someday, though, no matter how we finally get there. There are alternative ways to become a family, and if we choose to adopt, my spouse will get to be a father. If that is how our family is built he still gets to parent a child.

Lolly describes how Elinor became superstitious in her attempts to conceive. "At one point she thought they should throw out the unlucky mattress...That's when she and Ted started checking into hotel rooms on weekends, trying to make getting pregnant fun." Did you ever engage in rituals to get around superstitions? How did you alter your behavior or possession to improve your odds?
There have been many cycles where I have altered my behavior and possessions to try and improve my odds. After numerous failures, it makes you start to wonder if things like lucky charms or items will help. I have purchased a miracle angel figurine which I had to have on my nightstand each day during one cycle. I have cut out pictures of babies from magazines in an attempt to help myself "visualize" the successful outcome. I have read and tried feng shui things in the bedroom, like making sure nothing is underneath the bed while trying to conceive to create a clear path to baby-making. I have repeated mantras to myself - "I will get a BFP and I won't take no for an answer", during daily meditation. It all sounds funny now that it's written down, and hopefully people do not think I am completely out of my mind now. But when you are in a state of near desperation you will do almost anything to have success.

Elinor participates in a book club meeting following her miscarriage and finds that "no one gets her"...and thinks "why should they? She's a barren, bitter, self-pitying grouch. She hates this book club. She smiles and loosens her grip on the stem of her wineglass, afraid she might snap it in half." Do you find yourself having similar experiences? Would the infertility struggle be easier for you if you felt that people "got you" or not?
I do have similar experiences all the time. I work in a youth-serving organization, so we work with children, and also my office is comprised mainly of women. Of course, partly because of the nature of the business, topics often focus on children and families. I find it difficult to even participate in these conversations. And when the topic turns to pregnancy and child rearing I feel like Elinor did, nearly breaking the glass. I don't get their conversations and they definitely don't understand me either. I have lost numerous friends because of our struggle with infertility and because of my miscarriage. People move on, they have families, and often they focus so much on topics involving their pregnancies and children that I sometimes wonder if that is the only way they define themselves. I think it would be easier if people understood my struggle more. I think that is why I post on bulletin boards, and also why I started blogging. It is also why I have been trying, with no success so far, to begin a new support group in my area. To feel a part of a larger community who knows what I am facing each day.

Intrigued by the idea of a book tour and want to read more about Happiness Sold Separately? Hop along to more stops on the Barren Bitches Book Tour by visiting the master list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. Want to come along for the next tour? Sign up begins today for tour #8 (The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood) and all are welcome to join along . All you need is a book and blog.