Silence

I'm sorry that it has been so long since my last post. I've thought about posting a lot this past week but haven;t been able to put the words together. I don;t know what to say except that this is all so strange to me. It's like being the p-word is only real inside the confines of my own four walls. Once outside the safety of my home, it's not real, it's not spoken about, and I do my best not to think about it. If I don't think about it, maybe nothing bad will happen. I know; it's crazy. But like I was telling J this morning, I feel like I am constantly waiting for someone to tell me bad news. Every day I wake up and pray, wish and hope that everything will keep going well for another day. Then every night I cross another day off of the calendar and think that I am one more day closer to this being real. I can't think farther than that - it's too scary.
My appointment with the RE is next week. Then I'll be released to my OB. Haven't even called to make an appointment yet. That's much to far away from now. Plus I'm afraid that if I say this out loud it will come to an end.
So, for now you all are my only outlet for fear,, venting, and worry. Hope I don't make you all crazy along with me.