Monday, September 29, 2008

How did I get here?

First I apologize for not having a second of time to post much of anything since the bugs came home. Having twins is more challenging than I ever imagined.
I can't believe that today they are already five weeks old! FIVE WEEKS! I now am on the downslope of my maternity leave (which is freaking me out - but that's another post entirely) and the bugs have changed enormously since their birthday. Both boys are now over 8 1/2 pounds (which seems huge to me but I have to stop to remember that those weights are average for singletons) and Alex, who was my smaller bug at birth, has now surpassed his "bigger" brother in weight.
Life in our house is definitely stressful - to say the least. We are severely sleep deprived, dealing with one baby who has a terrible bout of acid reflux and maybe colic, and trying to acclimate ourselves to having two infants, who always seem to want to have bad days/nights at the same time. I have to say I can completely understand how the divorce rate among families with multiples approaches 80%. J and I have to work hard at not snapping at one another when the stress gets out of control. I know we'll be OK in the long run - but I can see how it is going to take a lot of work for us and the importance of making your marriage a priority as well as your children.

I've thought a lot the past few weeks and months about my journey to get where I am today. It has been a long road to travel - sometimes nearly breaking me. The early morning doctor appointments, the humiliation at having numerous doctors and nurses seeing my nether regions, the tests, needle jabs, bruises from injections, disappointment at failed cycles, excitement with positive pee sticks, heartache over lost pregnancies, stress on my marriage, and complete and utter amazement at the birth of the bugs.
J and I walked the long and winding road for over six years. There were times one or both of us wanted to stop, to turn off the road, and walk a different path. Somehow we kept going - and now I can't imagine what life would be like if we had stopped walking. Don't get me wrong - I am NOT naive at all after this whole experience. I know that there are far too many people who don't ever get off the "road". But I am glad that J and I made the decisions together to continue with treatment, even when they seemed futile. I hope for all IF couples that they are also able to find some way off of their own "road" - whatever way that is - and find peace with whatever decisions they make for their own situations.

I'm pretty confident that J and I will not be walking down the IF long and winding road anymore. Given our ages, and what it took to get the bugs, I can't see that we will pursue any additional fertility treatment in the future. And, I'm also pretty confident that there won't be any magical surprise pregnancies in our future either.
Since we've taken a turn and are walking down a different road now, I've decided to close this chapter of my journey and open the next one. I also don't want to write a lot about parenting after infertility on what started out as an infertility/pregnancy loss blog. I know how much it can hurt to read pregnancy and child related posts when you are in the throes of treatments, decision making, or when you've received news about negative cycles.

So, I've decided to write about our new "road" - parenting multiples after infertility - over here. I'll still be following your posts - sharing information about parenting with those of you who have gotten to that point, and cheering those of you on who are still walking the road. I hope that this blog will provide people facing infertility and pregnancy loss with help if they need it. That was one of my goals when I started it. There were certainly a huge number of you who gave me support when I needed it. I thank you for that. And I hope that maybe you'll stop by our new digs and see how J, the bugs, and I are all doing once in a while.


Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

So glad to hear you, the bugs and J are hanging in there. The first 6 weeks with one baby was so hard, I can't even imagine what its like with two.

I highly recommend gripe water to help with the colic. Lemy is really collicky and its the only thing that has made a noticeable difference.

Looking forward to following you at your new digs. ((HUGS))

Jess said...

How are things dear? updates please! And pics too! Weeee!

Jess said...

Ha ha sorry, I just noticed the link to your new blog. WEEEEE!

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