24 weeks. Another milestone achieved. One more down on this (what seems like) awfully long p-word journey. 50% of babies born now would survive. Not great odds I know but also some little piece of mind that doctors would work to save my babies should something go terribly wrong now.
We ordered and got the border for "the room" in the mail yesterday. We decided on this bedding. This weekend we'll probably go looking for paint samples but are thinking about either a green or yellow. The bathroom these babies will use is already painted blue so we don't want the room blue also.
So much to do, and we've waited a long time to do it because of my fear of jinxing things. But the realization that because we've got twins that these bugs could be here in a short 12 weeks or so really struck me the other day. We have got to get going on things.
Next OB appointment in 2 weeks with another ultrasound.
Next mile marker -- 28 weeks.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Just Updates
This past week my emotions have run the gamut from happy, to sad, to extremely worried and scared.
First I had a scary day the beginning of last week. I was at work, and needed to use the ladies room, for the millionth time that day. Lately I've been feeling like one of these bugs is sitting right on my bladder. I constantly feel the urge to use the bathroom, but most times, it's not very productive. I went to the bathroom, left, and proceeded to head upstairs to the water cooler. On my way back down the stairs, I felt some fluid leaking out of me. I ran back in the bathroom as quick as I could, fearing seeing red. No red, but definitely something clearish.
By this point I'm practically shaking so I go back to my desk, sit down and put my feet up. My head is spinning about what to do so I consult with Dr. Google about pPROM and premature labor symptoms. Everything I can find says that if there is amniotic fluid leaking it would not stop leaking. So, I decide to sit with my feet up for a while, and when I get up again if there is another leak go to the ER immediately. Sat there for 45 minutes, got up and nothing. I also in this time of consulting with Dr. Google found out that if the fetus kicks your bladder you could leak urine. Decided to keep a close eye on the amount of discharge I had over that evening and the next few days (until my next OB appointment) to see if anything else happened. Thank goodness, nothing since then. Apparently, I wet my pants without realizing it. I had no idea this could happen. Another surprising pregnancy "symptom".
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Had another OB appointment this week too. I am now 22w4d. Luckily the OB appointment was very uneventful. She just weighed me, took my blood pressure, listened to the two beating hearts, and measured my stomach. I have gained a total of 24 pounds so far - exactly where I wanted to be based on some twin pregnancy books I've been reading. Everything else is good thus far. Next appointment is still going to be another month away (I was hoping to start every other week now because I still get the nightmares and horrible thoughts with the longer time between appointments). But one more monthly visit and then we'll start every other week. Next appointment will be another ultrasound too. Can;t wait to see how much they've grown in there since last time.
I'll have to do my gestational diabetes test before next appointment too. I have my flat orange drink in the fridge ready to go whenever I decide to go to the lab.
Babies have been kicking up a storm in there too, which is pretty amazing! I am so glad to finally be able to really feel them. Not just bubbles popping anymore, but real distinguishable kicks and punches. Love it! J felt it too the other day. He seemed awe-struck and I think this p-word is finally starting to feel more real for him.
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A mixed bunch of emotions for yesterday. I am happy that someone actually wished me a Happy Mother's day (although it felt both good and odd to me at the same time). It also made me sad to think about my own mom who is not with us anymore, and how much she would have loved these two bugs. And it made me reflect on where I've been in past years' on this day, made me think of the baby we lost, and of all of the people who still are not even where I'm at yet.
First I had a scary day the beginning of last week. I was at work, and needed to use the ladies room, for the millionth time that day. Lately I've been feeling like one of these bugs is sitting right on my bladder. I constantly feel the urge to use the bathroom, but most times, it's not very productive. I went to the bathroom, left, and proceeded to head upstairs to the water cooler. On my way back down the stairs, I felt some fluid leaking out of me. I ran back in the bathroom as quick as I could, fearing seeing red. No red, but definitely something clearish.
By this point I'm practically shaking so I go back to my desk, sit down and put my feet up. My head is spinning about what to do so I consult with Dr. Google about pPROM and premature labor symptoms. Everything I can find says that if there is amniotic fluid leaking it would not stop leaking. So, I decide to sit with my feet up for a while, and when I get up again if there is another leak go to the ER immediately. Sat there for 45 minutes, got up and nothing. I also in this time of consulting with Dr. Google found out that if the fetus kicks your bladder you could leak urine. Decided to keep a close eye on the amount of discharge I had over that evening and the next few days (until my next OB appointment) to see if anything else happened. Thank goodness, nothing since then. Apparently, I wet my pants without realizing it. I had no idea this could happen. Another surprising pregnancy "symptom".
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Had another OB appointment this week too. I am now 22w4d. Luckily the OB appointment was very uneventful. She just weighed me, took my blood pressure, listened to the two beating hearts, and measured my stomach. I have gained a total of 24 pounds so far - exactly where I wanted to be based on some twin pregnancy books I've been reading. Everything else is good thus far. Next appointment is still going to be another month away (I was hoping to start every other week now because I still get the nightmares and horrible thoughts with the longer time between appointments). But one more monthly visit and then we'll start every other week. Next appointment will be another ultrasound too. Can;t wait to see how much they've grown in there since last time.
I'll have to do my gestational diabetes test before next appointment too. I have my flat orange drink in the fridge ready to go whenever I decide to go to the lab.
Babies have been kicking up a storm in there too, which is pretty amazing! I am so glad to finally be able to really feel them. Not just bubbles popping anymore, but real distinguishable kicks and punches. Love it! J felt it too the other day. He seemed awe-struck and I think this p-word is finally starting to feel more real for him.
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A mixed bunch of emotions for yesterday. I am happy that someone actually wished me a Happy Mother's day (although it felt both good and odd to me at the same time). It also made me sad to think about my own mom who is not with us anymore, and how much she would have loved these two bugs. And it made me reflect on where I've been in past years' on this day, made me think of the baby we lost, and of all of the people who still are not even where I'm at yet.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Registries, and Showers, and Names...Oh My!
I've been so afraid of even thinking about this p-word thing for so long that now I feel almost claustrophobic about how much there is to do in the next few months. It's just all so scary to imagine that I'm more than half-way there and "normal" people (those not affected by IF or pregnancy loss) think that it's getting close enough for us to start buying furniture and baby things.
After much debate within my head (and with J) I finally decided that it would be OK to allow my sisters to have the shower they offered to have for me. Just thinking about it still makes me hyperventilate a bit though. But, I am trying hard to feel and start to act like a p-word person. Problem is the old IF feelings always have a way of coming through. My co-workers act surprised that I don't share news about what I'm feeling on a daily basis, and seem shocked that I still worry about and fear upcoming OB appointments. If they only knew what it is really like to be in these shoes.
J and I will probably start painting "the room" by the end of this month - once we can open windows. I figure, if anything, we at least have to have the room painted and have something for these two little bugs to sleep in when they arrive.
I worked so hard for so long to avoid anything p-word related that I have to admit I was surprised this morning that I am already starting to outgrow my m-clothes. I NEVER would have thought you could outgrow these things! And still about four months to go. I may have to have my OB take me out of work simply for the fact that I won't have anything acceptable to fit me to wear to the office.
After much debate within my head (and with J) I finally decided that it would be OK to allow my sisters to have the shower they offered to have for me. Just thinking about it still makes me hyperventilate a bit though. But, I am trying hard to feel and start to act like a p-word person. Problem is the old IF feelings always have a way of coming through. My co-workers act surprised that I don't share news about what I'm feeling on a daily basis, and seem shocked that I still worry about and fear upcoming OB appointments. If they only knew what it is really like to be in these shoes.
J and I will probably start painting "the room" by the end of this month - once we can open windows. I figure, if anything, we at least have to have the room painted and have something for these two little bugs to sleep in when they arrive.
I worked so hard for so long to avoid anything p-word related that I have to admit I was surprised this morning that I am already starting to outgrow my m-clothes. I NEVER would have thought you could outgrow these things! And still about four months to go. I may have to have my OB take me out of work simply for the fact that I won't have anything acceptable to fit me to wear to the office.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
A Friend's Sad Story
Some of you may remember me talking about my two pregnant co-workers in the past. There was pregnant co-worker and annoying pregnant co-worker (who had a habit of belly rubbing in front of me and making announcements at staff meetings when I was unable to run for the door). I haven't spoken about them in a while as I've had other things on my mind (read: my own p-word)
Since I last shared stories about them they have both since had their babies and I was fortunate to escape baby showers without much trouble. Even being the p-word I don't think I could have gone without completely freaking myself out. Pregnant co-worker returned to work after maternity leave and I have to say she is the kindest person I have ever met. When she found out about my p-word she was genuinely happy and excited for me, even though I could barely muster up two questions to her for her whole pregnancy. She has since been my sounding board when I need someone to help keep me sane and also to answer questions about new baby things. She's a better person than I - I don't know if I could have been so nice given my not so enthusiastic Congrats when she told me she was pregnant.
Annoying pregnant co-worker had her baby too - also a healthy baby boy. She was due to come back from maternity leave next week. Was...
Yesterday we found out that her 6-week old baby became terribly ill over the weekend and passed away from meningitis.
I can not imagine what her and her husband are going through. I wish that I could just take all that pain away somehow...but I know that's impossible. All I can do is pray that they find strength to get through this awful, awful tragedy. I'm sorry M for your great loss. You and your family, and your sweet little boy, are in my thoughts and prayers.
I sit here and look at the ultrasound pictures of my babies and try very hard to think only good thoughts. I can't help but wonder why good people so often have to face such horrible tragedies.
Since I last shared stories about them they have both since had their babies and I was fortunate to escape baby showers without much trouble. Even being the p-word I don't think I could have gone without completely freaking myself out. Pregnant co-worker returned to work after maternity leave and I have to say she is the kindest person I have ever met. When she found out about my p-word she was genuinely happy and excited for me, even though I could barely muster up two questions to her for her whole pregnancy. She has since been my sounding board when I need someone to help keep me sane and also to answer questions about new baby things. She's a better person than I - I don't know if I could have been so nice given my not so enthusiastic Congrats when she told me she was pregnant.
Annoying pregnant co-worker had her baby too - also a healthy baby boy. She was due to come back from maternity leave next week. Was...
Yesterday we found out that her 6-week old baby became terribly ill over the weekend and passed away from meningitis.
I can not imagine what her and her husband are going through. I wish that I could just take all that pain away somehow...but I know that's impossible. All I can do is pray that they find strength to get through this awful, awful tragedy. I'm sorry M for your great loss. You and your family, and your sweet little boy, are in my thoughts and prayers.
I sit here and look at the ultrasound pictures of my babies and try very hard to think only good thoughts. I can't help but wonder why good people so often have to face such horrible tragedies.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice or Snakes, Snails and Puppy Dog Tails?
Thanks for those positive thoughts and prayers - they were heard. The OB appointment today went well. Again the ultrasound tech had a run for her money. These two little buggers would NOT sit still. They were kicking, punching, rolling over, and putting their arms over their heads. They were even kicking each other and fighting to get into the u/s picture. Baby A is going to be more of the troublemaker - very uncooperative. Baby B at least settled down a little to get measured.
Growth is still good and both are still just about the same size, which is really good. Heart rates were perfect - 150 and 160.
I've gained about a total of 17 pounds so far, which apparently for twins is good to gain so much in the beginning because their growth slows down after about 5 months.
She was able to get photos of their "parts", after a little (read: lots) coaxing with A. She put them in a sealed envelope and when I left the OB office I drove straight to J's work. We have been torn about finding out the gender. We always thought we didn't want to know. All we really care about is having live, healthy babies. Then we thought with two it might be easier if we knew. Then we decided we didn't want to know. Then we figured she could just seal them up in an envelope and we could open it whenever we chose to. You can see how this went for us the past few weeks. With envelope in hand I asked J what he thought. First he said we should wait. Then almost immediately he said to open it. So we did...
And we found two pictures - both showing us boy parts!
Next appointment not for another month. I won' have an ultrasound then but hopefully I'll be really feeling those kicks and punches by then.
Another hurdle down and I just hope and pray things keep going well. I can't wait to meet my two little guys.
Growth is still good and both are still just about the same size, which is really good. Heart rates were perfect - 150 and 160.
I've gained about a total of 17 pounds so far, which apparently for twins is good to gain so much in the beginning because their growth slows down after about 5 months.
She was able to get photos of their "parts", after a little (read: lots) coaxing with A. She put them in a sealed envelope and when I left the OB office I drove straight to J's work. We have been torn about finding out the gender. We always thought we didn't want to know. All we really care about is having live, healthy babies. Then we thought with two it might be easier if we knew. Then we decided we didn't want to know. Then we figured she could just seal them up in an envelope and we could open it whenever we chose to. You can see how this went for us the past few weeks. With envelope in hand I asked J what he thought. First he said we should wait. Then almost immediately he said to open it. So we did...
And we found two pictures - both showing us boy parts!
Next appointment not for another month. I won' have an ultrasound then but hopefully I'll be really feeling those kicks and punches by then.
Another hurdle down and I just hope and pray things keep going well. I can't wait to meet my two little guys.
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Honeymoon Stage
Apparently the person who coined this phrase does not have a dictionary with the words infertility or miscarriage in it.
Supposedly this is supposed to be the best part of my p-word. But, for example, I still have a hard time even mentioning the word. Yes, my morning sickness is gone and my energy is returning a bit. But I still obsessively run to the bathroom checking my underwear every time I feel something down there, I worry incessantly about not having felt the babies yet (even though I'm only 18 weeks this week), and I have awful nightmares about my babies each time I begin approaching another OB appointment.
For someone who has fought the IF battle there is no "honeymoon" phase. There seems only to be fear, worry and anxiety. And if I could fast-forward to September and just have these babies born, I would do so in an instant.
My 18-week appointment is tomorrow. I'm nervous. J can't come with me - someone at his work quit last week and now he has to cover their shift. I'm going to be all alone and I'm scared. Any prayers for a good appointment with both babies doing well would definitely be appreciated. That's what I'll be doing all day today - just praying for good things tomorrow.
Sorry I've been a terrible blogger lately. I promise I will start getting better again.
Supposedly this is supposed to be the best part of my p-word. But, for example, I still have a hard time even mentioning the word. Yes, my morning sickness is gone and my energy is returning a bit. But I still obsessively run to the bathroom checking my underwear every time I feel something down there, I worry incessantly about not having felt the babies yet (even though I'm only 18 weeks this week), and I have awful nightmares about my babies each time I begin approaching another OB appointment.
For someone who has fought the IF battle there is no "honeymoon" phase. There seems only to be fear, worry and anxiety. And if I could fast-forward to September and just have these babies born, I would do so in an instant.
My 18-week appointment is tomorrow. I'm nervous. J can't come with me - someone at his work quit last week and now he has to cover their shift. I'm going to be all alone and I'm scared. Any prayers for a good appointment with both babies doing well would definitely be appreciated. That's what I'll be doing all day today - just praying for good things tomorrow.
Sorry I've been a terrible blogger lately. I promise I will start getting better again.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
14 week appointment
Had my appointment with OB yesterday and got to have an ultrasound beforehand. I'll be having an ultrasound every 4-6 weeks because of the twins. I was so nervous, to say the least. J too. I think we were both on the verge of nervous breakdown. The tech must have thought I was crazy because I was just about hyperventilating.
The tech and J had a different screen to look at than I did because they were standing facing the opposite way than the way I was laying on the table. When she put the wand on and the image appeared I just about lost it. It didn't look like it was moving at all and it was so far away I couldn't make out a heartbeat. She must have known I was about to freak out because she said that they were both moving around like acrobats and then she proceeded to point out both little hearts beating away. Of course, that brought my tears right away.
We got to see arms and legs, and feet, and hands, and bladders, and what I think will be their genius brains. And did they ever move; they would NOT sit still for one minute. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be feeling those kicks and they will be very welcome, each and every one of them.
She measured their heart rates and they were 153 and 164. And they were both similar in size which I guess is good with twins, so one is not growing faster than the other.
She asked us if we wanted to know the gender but we said not yet. We're still undecided about that.
After that I met with Dr. OB and all she did was tell me my cervix length was fine (at 43mm) and all bloodwork came back normal. She brought out the doppler too but the twins must have been facing my back at that point because she could barely pick up a muffled sound. I tell ya if she had done that first, before the scan, I would have definitely been sick. I hate those dopplers.
My next appointment won't be for another month. I had hoped for sooner as we had talked about more frequent appointments but she said growth was good and no need to come back for another 4 weeks. At least I'll have another scan then. And I think at that point it will be our Level II.
We got over one more hurdle, we got three great pics and we finally told the rest of our family.
The tech and J had a different screen to look at than I did because they were standing facing the opposite way than the way I was laying on the table. When she put the wand on and the image appeared I just about lost it. It didn't look like it was moving at all and it was so far away I couldn't make out a heartbeat. She must have known I was about to freak out because she said that they were both moving around like acrobats and then she proceeded to point out both little hearts beating away. Of course, that brought my tears right away.
We got to see arms and legs, and feet, and hands, and bladders, and what I think will be their genius brains. And did they ever move; they would NOT sit still for one minute. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be feeling those kicks and they will be very welcome, each and every one of them.
She measured their heart rates and they were 153 and 164. And they were both similar in size which I guess is good with twins, so one is not growing faster than the other.
She asked us if we wanted to know the gender but we said not yet. We're still undecided about that.
After that I met with Dr. OB and all she did was tell me my cervix length was fine (at 43mm) and all bloodwork came back normal. She brought out the doppler too but the twins must have been facing my back at that point because she could barely pick up a muffled sound. I tell ya if she had done that first, before the scan, I would have definitely been sick. I hate those dopplers.
My next appointment won't be for another month. I had hoped for sooner as we had talked about more frequent appointments but she said growth was good and no need to come back for another 4 weeks. At least I'll have another scan then. And I think at that point it will be our Level II.
We got over one more hurdle, we got three great pics and we finally told the rest of our family.
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